Weekly Rich Receipts: 14 March 2025
This Week's Financial Tea:
Stocks in Their Flop Era 💅
Pre Rich Gang, grab your emotional support water bottle because this week had us STRESSED. Markets were giving "heartbreak era" vibes while mortgage rates finally decided to slide into our DMs with better news. Let's spill the tea on what actually happened while your portfolio was having its villain arc.
1. Wall Street's Uncertainty Era Tour 📉
The market this week was basically Taylor Swift singing "All Too Well (10 Minute Version)" on repeat, and we were all just sobbing along. Here's the tea:
President Trump is playing "will he, won't he" with tariffs like it's a dating show, and investors HATE the drama
When the girlies get nervous, they start panic-selling faster than concert tickets drop on Ticketmaster
Plot twist: People are literally buying gold or stuffing cash under their mattresses like it's 1929 (no judgment, we checked our couch cushions too)
The silver lining? Most investors are still in profit territory from the last two years of gains, so this dip is more "ouch" than "bankruptcy era"
Money Move: If your investment strategy changes with every presidential tweet, you might need a better strategy. Just saying. 💅
2. Crypto's Government Situationship Isn't Helping 🪙
We thought the US Government announcing a Strategic Crypto Reserve would have Bitcoin bros popping bottles, but the vibes are still off:
Bitcoin and Ethereum had more ups and downs this week than that situationship you keep going back to
The stock market basically said "if I'm going down, you're coming with me" and dragged crypto along for the ride
Plot twist: Without the government's reserve announcement, crypto would be giving even more "2022 crash" energy
Everyone's still trying to explain what a "strategic reserve" actually means while prices keep dancing
Gang Check: If you're checking crypto prices more than your ex's Instagram, it might be time for a digital detox.
3. Apple's "It's Giving Vaporware" Moment 🍎
Apple just pulled the ultimate "sorry, I can't make it" move that would make even your flakiest friend proud:
They announced via some random blogger (not even a Notes app apology!) that their fancy new Siri upgrade is basically MIA
No one has actually seen this allegedly "contextually aware" Siri work in real life, just in those perfectly staged videos
Speaking of which, they quietly deleted those videos faster than we delete dating app matches after a bad first date
Apple's giving major "promised to do the group project but didn't deliver" energy
The Tea: For a company worth trillions, maybe hire a few more AI engineers instead of building another perfectly circular building?
This Week's Main Character: Mortgage Rates 🏠
The only thing giving us hope this week was mortgage rates hitting a 2.5-year low. Maybe the universe is saying "sorry about your stocks, but perhaps it's time to buy that overpriced starter home you've been stalking on Zillow!"
Remember bestie, market chaos is temporary, but being financially savvy is forever. We're all just pre-rich, not broke! 💰✨